What’s the Problem with Converts?
I have noticed that some Muslims have a problem with Muslim converts. They will respect them in the mosque and greet them politely, but when it comes to marriage, suddenly a block appears. It’s especially true when a convert man asks to marry a girl who has been a Muslim her whole life. If I didn’t know any better, I’d say it’s because the convert obviously once was a non-believer, but when somebody changes their life for the better, shouldn’t we be supportive of that? I actually once spoke to a convert lady who didn’t want her daughters to marry converts, because she said that the convert men may leave Islam. She also said that marrying a born Muslim would be better, because if he ever neglects his religion, he will always come back, which is silly to say, as someone not practising can never be better than a practising Muslim! It’s not right to say any of that, plus that lady was a convert herself, how would she have liked it if somebody doubted her belief in Allah? She converted to Islam and supposedly became a better person, yet she judges convert men like that?
Sheikh Yusuf Estes, who was once a preacher from Texas, alhamdulilah now a convert to Islam.
My own mother is English and converted to Islam in 1982. I feel that because my dad married her and she is a convert, then I should also be able to do the same. I have actually spoken with my parents on this issue previously, my mum was supportive of course, but my dad was not at all keen. It just makes me wonder why? There is the issue of some people believing a convert may leave Islam, but to be honest that is very rare, and I have only heard of one person doing that. I have a convert friend, who married a fellow convert, but he decided to leave Islam a few years after converting, and she divorced him. I would say that is an extreme series of events, and it’s not good to say you won’t marry or not let your daughters marry a convert because of a misguided fear or something that may or may not happen.
Perhaps one of the most famous converts to Islam, Malcolm X.
I myself am quite open minded about who I choose to marry. If a convert man asks for my hand, then I will of course consider him like any other Muslim man. I don’t see a problem, they have said their Shahadah and are now Muslims, we should not doubt their belief in Allah, or expect them to leave, just because they were previously practising another religion, or perhaps committing sins. If they have come to Islam, it means they have changed, or they want to change, otherwise why would they bother? If someone wants to continue a party lifestyle, then they will most likely not be religious at all, and not consider any religion, so a convert is totally different. They have made a conscious effort to change their life, so we as fellow Muslims should be supportive of that, and take them seriously when they decide to say the Shahadah and become a Muslim.
Abdur-Raheem Green and Yusuf Chambers, English converts who regularly appear on Islamic channels and speak at conferences.
I was also once reading a topic on an Islamic forum, asking other users whether they would marry a convert or not. Many men said they would, but from the women it was more of a mixed bag. Some said they would, but that their father would not allow it. One white convert posted his experience. He said that he had become friendly with a Somali man at his local mosque, and he felt he had gotten to know him so well, that it would be alright to ask for the Somali man’s daughter for the purpose of marriage. He allowed the convert to come to his house and plead his case, but ultimately, the Somali man told him he would rather his daughter married a drunk Somali than a convert. I was incredibly shocked to read this, and it was terrible to see how that young man had built up a relationship, but then cast out when he made the ‘mistake’ of asking for the Somali man’s daughter.
The only bad thing about converting would be doing it just to get married. Like a girl becoming a Muslim so she can marry her Muslim boyfriend, otherwise his family will not allow their relationship. In a marriage seminar I went to, the speaker said it would be better to break up, than try to change things just to try and justify their relationship. That is a whole different topic, but it’s something I wanted to touch upon. If a man is sincere, he will not ‘date’ you first, he will ask your father for your hand in marriage, and that’s the way it should be. Ultimately, we should respect converts for making such a big decision to come to Islam, and really only Allah knows if they are sincere in their efforts, but we as Muslims must take them seriously and try and help them in any way we can, and make them feel part of our community.
June 11th, 2011 at 8:21 pm
Assalamu Alaikum,
Great article, Somayya! Some Muslims tend to preach but not practice. It is true, though very sad. You make a good point since I have noticed that most converts practice Islam as well as, if not better than Muslims who have been born into the religion do. They usually take the religion more seriously because they have worked hard to find the truth, whereas we ingrateful Muslims were born into the religion and take it for granted. I enjoyed your article, and I hope that people will not judge converts and will accept them as Muslims. The rest is between the converts and Allah, just as what we do is between us and Allah. Being born a Muslim does not put me at an advantage, and nobody should feel that I am less worthy of being judged than a convert is merely because I was born into Islam and it is assumed that I am a faithful follower of my religion. This is not to say that anybody has the right to judge me or others, but I am trying to make a point. Once again, this was a good article, and Yusuf Estes and Abdur Rahim Greene are great examples of converts who seem to adhere to Islam better than we do!
June 12th, 2011 at 8:10 am
Asalaamu Alaikum, these are great thoughts dear sister. Basically what the problem is, is that the parents are not considering the hadith of the Prophet that he said rejecting a good Muslim man for your daughter leads to problems in the earth. Bloodlines, tribal lines, language lines, have become more dear to people than preserving the religion of Islam. People born Muslim and converted to Islam have an equal reason and opportunity, especially in the western countries, to either leave Islam or stop practicing the deen. May Allah make it a priority among all Muslim parents (including me) to preserve the deen of their children.